A MAN'S ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS:
1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It is a testosterone thing. Much similar to your Pre-Menstrual
Syndrome thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning.
Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically
10 years shorter? (and it is not just from all the bitching and
nagging we have to endure.) Hormones modify behavior. We
are just misunderstood.
2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that
all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we
met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just
much better at not getting caught. I am fairly certain it is some
sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick
look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this
ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as
we can.
3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him
happy. It is much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is
just an added bonus.
4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It is actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner
frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?
You would learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time
you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we do not actually have to; we do it because we enjoy
it. It is the old fashioned pride in a job well done that is missing
in so much of the world nowadays.
7. WHY CANNOT MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to
understand that men and women are different? How are we
supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how
we feel? Unless we are experiencing some extreme emotion
like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no
idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I
try to figure out how I feel.
8. WHY CANNOT MEN CUDDLE MORE (ID EST, LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please. . . How many hours do you think there is in a day?
We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides
women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men...
Men hunters. . . Need go roam. . . Starve in cave. . .
Must go find wildebeest. . . Now sitting on our asses for
hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by
evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time
without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often
necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while
hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit
very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on
this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were allgobbled
up by saber toothed tigers, et cetera. The end result is that
almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
10. WHY CANNOT MEN JUST SAY, "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient.
To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need
you. Most men consider that a character fault. It is not easy
to admit to one's own character faults.
11. THEN WHY DO MEN SAY, "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, Ho, Ho. . . Aren't you special? Well, some men think it
is a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually
still works quite well. 12. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply do not have the energy to answer every single
one of your questions. If we think we do not have the
answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain
quiet and save the energy for other things.
13. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It does not really bother us that much.
Besides, we know darn well you will pick it up.
14. WHAT IS WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It is ourway
to let you know that we are comfortable with you. Believe it
or not, it is actually a sign of affection. Besides, holdingit for
extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It is an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We
just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to
spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention
of killing? Er. . . buying?