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A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few
minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes
after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is
screaming. "What's all the screaming about in here? You're scaring
the customers!" he said.
The drunk replied, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every
time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the heck out of
my family jewels."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You
idiot! You're shitting in the mop bucket!"